


Misfortune

by TS_Anxiety_Angst



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders
Genre: Other, bc i sure did, have fun, so much angst and i'm not even sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-11-21 23:18:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 8,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11367699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TS_Anxiety_Angst/pseuds/TS_Anxiety_Angst
Summary: Or Anxiety who sleeps as a cat because it helps with nightmaresAnd the others finding this strange cat, and also Anxiety is missing, and they take care of this cat, and Anxiety doesn't shift back because he is touch starved and this is the most positive attention he gets





	1. Better This Way

He knew he should have said something. He knew that turning into a cat to keep the night terrors away would backfire somehow. He wasn’t sure how, he just knew that it would. Things always went wrong around him.

As Roman, Logan, and Patton leaned over him, he debated with or not he should change back, but something was holding him back. Maybe it was the way Roman smiled at him like he was the best thing he’d ever seen. Maybe it was the way Patton held him close to his chest. Maybe it was the way even Logan seemed to warm up to him.

“We should give it to a shelter.” Logan said, though Anxiety could see a faint smile. “It’s what’s best for him.”

“But he’s just so cute!” Patton said, bringing Anxiety closer. “And the shelter is closed already.”

“How do you know that?” Roman asked, scratching Anxiety’s ear. His hands were hot, almost like he was sick, but he couldn’t get sick unless Thomas’s ego was bruised.

“I wanted to go and pet the dogs but the last time I wanted to go it was closed. Now I remember what times it’s opened and closed.”

“You can remember that but you can’t remember what the word adultery means?”

“The process of becoming an adult, duh.”

Logan looked ready to correct him, a tired argument on his part, but Roman cut in saying, “Well I think he should stay in my room.”

“Roman, you already have three cats.” Logan pointed, adjusting his glasses. “Given that Patton has two dogs and I have no pets, he should stay in my room. At least until the shelter opens.”

“That’ll be Tuesday,” Patton said thoughtfully. “We should go get some food and litter while it stays here.”

“Alright, you two can get that while I settle him into my room.” Logan held out his hands and Anx stiffened, ready to run. He didn’t mind Logan as much as Roman, but the logical side tended to be…difficult around pets. He knew how to take care of them theoretically, but in practice, he was a mess. And he hadn’t felt as he did when Patton was holding him.

Thankfully he managed to take Anx in his arms without too much of a hassle and Anx managed to keep his claws retracted. Logan’s hands were colder than Anx would have thought, but what else could he expect since Logan kept his room freezing behalf of his computers. “Well, wait.” Logan stopped short of his door and turned. “Anxiety doesn’t have any pets.”

Of course Anxiety didn’t have any pets there was too much that could go wrong with pets. The worse thing he could of was it dying his care. At least if he was alone, he didn’t have to have to take of anything other than himself.

Logan knocked twice before walking in, an unfortunate habit Anx hated with every fiber of his being. Privacy was a small price to ask when they actually bothered to talk to him.

“Anxiety, there is a small cat that— You’re not in here.” He closed the door before walking out to the backyard where Anx usually was when it rained. “I guess he left.”

Logan went back to his room and set Anx on his bed before taking some unused blankets from his closet and setting them on the floor. “You can sleep here.”

Anx hopped off the bed and laid down on the pile of blankets.

Maybe this wouldn’t be such a bad thing. The others didn’t seem to mind him so much like they. They were even nice and Roman wasn’t throwing a backwards compliment at him every time he walked into the room. They wanted to take care of him and, though he’d never let them know this, he loved how he felt when Patton was holding him. His steady heartbeat has calmed Anx’s ever-frantic heart and his warmth had relaxed him.

So maybe he could stay like this. At least for a little while. At least until he was able to face them again. At least until he had the strength to be a person again.

Logan smiled down at him. “You’re pretty quiet, aren’t you? I think we can be friends.”


	2. His Kiddo

A day had passed since the other sides had taken Anxiety in as their temporary pet. He had made himself at home in the pile of blankets and hadn’t really moved from that spot, only getting up to make use of the makeshift litter box they had set on the patio. He never knew true relief before seeing them debate on where to keep it and settling on somewhere out of view.

Roman popped in the room, startling Anx as he was resting almost entirely under the blanket, a habit that didn’t break no matter what form he took.

“He didn’t die while you were looking after it, did he?”

Logan adjusted his glasses and turned his chair to face Roman. “Of course not. You’re not the only one who knows how to take care of animals. It was me, after all, who did all of the research neither you nor Patton bothered to do when you got your pets. What do you want, Roman?”

“I wanted to introduce him to Ahadi and Duchess.”

They both turned toward Anx who was busy kneading the blankets. In this form, no one said anything to him when he slept all day and it was something he loved. Being an introvert on high alert all the time made him exhausted 24/7, something the other sides never bothered to ask about.

“I don’t think he wants to go anywhere. He hasn’t really moved or said anything, but it’s nice to have the company. He reminds me of someone, but I can’t really remember.”

“Amazing considering you remember every embarrassing thing Thomas has ever done.” Roman leaned against the door and Anx curled up under the blanket, trying to stay away from his eyes. Roman had the eyes of someone who could analyze and break down anything they saw and rearrange it to best fit them. He was afraid if he spent too much time under his gaze, Roman would figure it was really Anx.

“Roman!” Patton’s voice carried from downstairs, startling everyone in the room. “Have you seen Anxiety? He said he wanted to talk to me today.”

“No!” He turned to Logan. “Have you seen him?”

“No. He wasn’t in his room or in the backyard. I assumed he left last night.”

“Logan hasn’t seen him either!”

Anx stood up and raced out of the room. A perfect opportunity and to get away from Roman. Patton stood in the kitchen, eating a cookie and looking toward the back door. Anx hopped onto the counter and pressed against Patton’s arm. Though the two were opposites, Anx found it easiest to be himself around Patton. His moral compass always kept him true to himself—a goofy and comforting presence.

“Hello, little one.” He scratched Anx’s back and smiled as his tail curled around his arm. “I’ve only known he’s been gone a few hours, but I already miss him. I have to wonder what he wanted to talk about. I’m all ears for these kiddos.”

Anx didn’t really  _need_ to talk to Patton when he’d asked to see him, he’d  _wanted_ to. It was just that Patton always knew how to make him smile even when he was in his darkest times. Patton always seemed to take some of his stress away and that was all the reason he didn’t for wanting to be near him. Except he was sure that his sour moods always brought him down, so he cut the time he spent with him when possible.

Patton grinned his smile that always managed to make Anx feel better. “I suppose you’re one of my kiddos now, too, right?”


	3. Wonderful Audience Member

Anxiety couldn’t remember the last time he had gotten to sleep so peacefully. Patton had fallen asleep on the couch, talking to Anx about nothing—his ideas for videos, his dogs, his thoughts on the others.

The only reason he woke up before Patton was that Prince came charging down the stairs. “Patton I demand the kitten accompany me on my adventure today.”

“But we’re having fun right here,” he replied sleepily.

“You and Logan to spend time with him already and he has to go to the shelter tomorrow.”

“Alright. Have fun, kiddos.”

Before Anx realized what was happening, he was on Roman’s shoulder as they raced out the door. It took everything not to dig his claws into Roman’s shoulder. This was another reason Anx tended to avoid being near Roman: he was too much all at once

“I bet you’re wondering where we’re going.” That was one of the many questions going through Anx’s mind at the moment. “We are off to spar with the dragonwitch’s daughter.”

The dragonwitch has a daughter? When and why and how did Roman know about this?

Anx was already exhausted as they reached the open field Thomas often used to take pictures.

Waiting in the field was a dragon scaled woman leaning on a gold gilded sword.

“Drew! How have you been?”

“Better when you weren’t here.” She grinned. “Who’s that?”

“New cat that snuck in our house. He’s here to watch.” Anx happily jumped to the ground as Roman revealed his own sword. Anxiety didn’t know whether to feel happy that he’d never seen the sharp weapon, but he was glad that he was just an observer.

The two amazed him with the speed at which they moved. It was like a dance of two dangerous lions, just barely not hurting the other but trying with all their might to win.

Roman himself was wonderful to watch. He’d always convinced everyone he was Manly™, but he moved with the grace of a dancer. Anx was embarrassed to admit, even to himself, that he could have watched Roman all day.

“You know,” Roman said, plopping down on the ground next to him. “I’ve never had such a wonderful audience member.”

Then he smiled so brightly Anx thought his heart would stop and he knew he couldn’t keep up the charade.


	4. No One

He had no way of telling them in a fashion that wouldn’t end in a fight. It seemed like it was best to just get it over with. He paced at the top of the stairs while Logan and Roman debated whether or not they would actually take him to the shelter.

“I’ve become fond of him,” Logan said, begrudgingly. “Though I don’t see the need to actually keep him here.”

“You don’t see the need to keep any of the pets here.”

“That is true,” he conceded. “Perhaps we need another opinion.”

“Roman, Logan!” Patton came jogging past Anxiety and took to the stairs. “Have either of you seen Anxiety?”

“No.” They answered together, seemingly unconcerned. Logan continued with, “He is more than capable of taking care of himself.”

“But he’s been missing for days without a word. I’m worried about him.”

Anx took a breath and walked down the stairs and sat in front of all of them. He had to do it. He needed to come clean or the lie would come back to bite him or contribute to the nightmares that had started this mess.

One meow was enough to stop their conversation and gather their attention.  _Now or never, Anx_ , he thought to himself.  _Just get it over with_.

He arched his back and started to grow and let off a screen of smoke that came with any animal transformation. When he stood in front of the other sides as himself, they stood in silent shock.

Patton was the first to recover and looked ready to hug him, but kept his hands close to his chest, knowing Anxiety usually kept everyone at an arm’s length.

“Anxiety!” he squealed with a big grin on his face. “I’m so happy you weren’t missing like I thought. But I’m also conflicted because of what’s going on. Why’d you do that, kiddo?”

“Yes,” came Roman harsh tone. “ _Why_  did you do this?”

“I—”

“Did you think it would be funny to trick all of us? To make us think you were gone so that we might get worried and panicked?”

“Exactly.” Logan viciously adjusted his classes and crossed his arms. “What were you trying to accomplish by deceiving us with your charade? There was nothing for you to be gained from the experience and nothing for us except embarrassment that we didn’t realize it was you.”

“Well, I don’t think that was quite what he was doing,” Patton said, swooping to the rescue as he usually did. It did nothing but cement the idea that everything was going downhill very fast with broken brakes. “If we gave him a chance to explain—”

“Explain what, Patton?” Roman placed his hands on his hips and all Anxiety could think about was how his hands were scarred from battles and how they matched the ones he had. “Explain that he was having the time of his sad life messing with us?”

“Roman has a point, Patton. You can’t keep defending and supporting him in this type of thing—”

“That’s not what I was trying to do. I was just saying—”

Their voices began to overlap and Anx’s already racing heart picked up the pace. His head began to pound and everything seemed to be too close. He knew this would end badly. Everything he did always ended badly.

Their voices were too loud as they crowded around them. He couldn’t help that he wanted to feel wanted. At least be near and close to the others for once in his short and miserable life.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen!” They were silenced by his scream and his throat hurt, like everything hurt because he had never voiced the anguish that lived inside of him. He supposed now was a better time than ever. “I am terrified of every little thing that could ever go wrong. I’m scared for Thomas and all of you and it keeps me awake at night. It makes my heart race and my chest tighten. I feel like I’m at the drop in a roller coaster at all times, but when I sleep as a cat, I don’t feel so overwhelmed. I can actually sleep without being woken up by night terrors.”

Tears rolled freely down Anxiety’s face as the others stared on in horror. They had never seen him like this, never seen him look so weak. He had always maintained a façade of never being fazed by anything, only showing emotion if it was annoyance or irritation.

“I’m sorry that I tricked all of you.” His voice became soft, like the water of a bed of rocks, trickling quietly. “I’m sorry, but I had never felt wanted before. None of you had ever taken the time to realize or ask if I needed anyone. None of you realized how starved I was for affection and I didn’t either until… Until Patton picked me up and suddenly I knew what it was that I had been craving until then.”

He wiped his eyes and turned away from the other sides. “I’m sorry for what I did and I really wish I could say I regretted it, but I don’t.”

Then he walked up the stairs, still wiping away tears, hoping— _praying_ —that one of them would come after them.

No one did.


	5. Monster

One week had passed since Anxiety had told the other about what he’d done. One week had passed since he’d seen the others. One week had passed and no one had been at his door.

As a result, Anxiety had fallen onto his bed and hadn’t gotten up except to drink a bit of water and use the bathroom.

He’d heard their voice plenty of times as they passed by the door, snippets of conversation floating over to him.

“…we should go to…”

“…I don’t want anything to do with…”

“…can’t just leave it like this…”

“…Thomas is falling again…”

“I’m going to him.” Patton’s voice rang clear with authority. “And neither of you can tell me otherwise. Oldest makes the rules.” Patton never played his status as “eldest” because it wasn’t fair to the rest of us, but whenever there was something serious, he’d whip it out lightning fast.

When Patton knocked, Anxiety looked up from the wall, mildly surprised. He was sure he’d been in bed before, but now here he was in his chair.

He sighed and slumped further into his chair. It didn’t matter anyway.

Patton knocked again, and when he didn’t receive and answer, he said, “Anxiety. I’m coming in.”

The worst part of the whole ordeal was that Anx’s door had been unlocked the entire time. It was the small way he let the others know that he didn’t want to be alone again, but none of them took the invitation.

Anxiety could have grimaced at the face Patton was making. It was like he was looking at a corpse, but he maybe he was. Anx hadn’t eaten in days and drank only the water he’d had left in his room. He’d been awake for the last day and a half since his mind refused to quiet.

Patton knelt down in front of him, taking his cold hands in his warm ones. “I’m so sorry, An. I’m sorry we didn’t see this before.”

“Why are you crying?” Anx’s hoarse voice caused Patton’s tears to fall faster. “You didn’t do anything.”

“That’s why. We never did anything when we should have. We should have noticed.”

“Patton, it’s not your fault.” Prince leaned against the door frame and Anx immediately dropped his eyes. “He brought this on himself.”

“Roman,” Logan appeared, completely blocking the door. “We have no time for your posturing. Think of Thomas.”

Of course. If Anxiety ever got like this, it affected Thomas and the others. Thomas’s cloudy thoughts didn’t really leave room for logical thoughts and creativity. It was amazing what he had forgotten in the small time he didn’t feel like a dead weight.

However, as he looked at Patton, he felt almost better. There was a reason Patton was portrayed as the dad character. He was kind and supportive—never demeaning anyone. Being near him was like being engulfed in a warm embrace that was never suffocating, only comforting.

Roman sighed. “It would mean a great deal to us if would join us for a movie.”

He didn’t mean it. He never meant anything except the insults, but this was more than him. He had to think of the others, especially Patton. If Patton was down, then Thomas would be nothing more than a shell of a person.

He slouched out of the chair and nearly passed out from the dizzy spell.

“You haven’t eaten in days,” Patton said, wrapping an arm around Anx’s waist. “Let’s get some food in you.”

Logan led the charge to the kitchen while Roman went into the living room to set up the movie.

Patton was grinning ear to ear as he donned his apron:  _Hug The Cook_. “What would you like?”

Anx shrugged. He wasn’t even hungry, but Patton probably wouldn’t rest until he was fed. “Anything is fine.”

“Here,” Logan handed him a glass of water. “You’re showing clear signs of dehydration.”

“Thanks,” Anx mumbled into the glass.

He turned to Patton. “Make something small for right now. Since he hasn’t eaten in days, it would be bad if he ate everything at once.”

“Macaroni it is!”

“Sit on the couch and wait.” Logan leaned against the counter. “Wait for us.”

Anxiety shuffled out to the living room and fell onto the couch, rubbing his temples as a headache started up. The living room was far too bright for his taste, even though there was only a lamp on.

Roman plopped down near him, crossing his arms. Anx flashed back to last week where he was wrapping a cut on his arm and smiling and talking to him like a normal person while Drew was bandaging her own wounds. He’d smiled and laughed and Anxiety’s heart had never felt so light.

He wanted that again. He wanted to easy way Roman would smile. He wanted the way Roman said the words  _I love you_  because it had taken a moment to realize what he’d said. Anx shouldn’t have taken it to heart so much—Roman said he loved his cats all the time—but it was the first time anyone aside from Patton had said anything like that.

He’d give anything to hear it again.And that’s what made it all the more devastating when Roman said, “I  _really_  don’t like you, monster.”


	6. Onward

What happened between getting the water to boil and getting the pasta noodles, Patton could only say that it was much like a movie where everything was frozen for a split second before everything started to go wrong. It was like a hum in his bones and a chill that made the hair on his arms stand up straight.

And then it was over and he knew something had gone wrong.

“Roman, what was that?” Patton hurried to the living room while Logan turned off the stove. “Roman?”

It was almost like a different person was wearing Roman’s clothes. He was drenched in sweat, pale and shaky. When Patton took his hands, he grabbed hold like he was the only thing anchoring the creative side.

Logan grabbed Roman’s wrist before looking at his eyes and pressing hand to his forehead. He pulled away in surprise. “He’s in shock.”

“Well, how do we help him?”

“In a case like this where we don’t know the cause, it would be best to—” Up the stairs, a door slammed shut and Roman looked like he’d been snapped awake.

“Where— Where is he?”

“Where is who? Roman, what happened to you? Logan said you went into shock. You’ve battled monsters and I’ve never seen you look like this.” Roman’s idea of _grand gestures_ often included dangerous monsters facing their end at his sword point and he believed many things needed to be met that way.

He blinked sluggishly. “I don’t really know what happened,” he said, slowly. “But Anxiety is…dangerous now.”

“Roman, we’ve asked you to be kind to him. He’s had a tough go at it.” Patton tried to steer his thoughts toward the potential happy times they would all have together instead of the way Anxiety’s clothes had seemed to swallow him or how everything he said sounded hoarse. Maybe when they figured this out they could all play Patton-cake again.

“That’s not when I meant.” Roman took his hands back, clenching them in his lap. “He changed into something sinister. I couldn’t even make out what it was because it kept changing shape. He looked at me and I couldn’t even move. I…I’ve never really been afraid before now.”

“Roman,” Logan sighed. “That was Anxiety in his most primal state. Anxiety is stemmed from one of the first negative emotions ever felt, which is fear. He hasn’t been like this since he first came to be.”

“Well, hold on, we can fix this can’t we?” Patton asked. “Things always work out at the end of the day, you know?”

Logan adjusted his glasses. “It can be done, but we’d need to actually find him, and he will have barricaded himself behind what is basically a real life role-playing-game in an attempt to deter anyone from getting to him.”

“But he wants our help, doesn’t he?”

“At this point? I’m not sure.” If Patton was being honest, he was pretty sure Anxiety hated all of them. No one had ever really made an attempt to understand why he did what he did. Patton liked to think he was supportive of everyone, but right now he wasn’t so sure. How good a dad could he be if his kiddos we so unhappy?

Patton stood tall and fixed his cardigan. “We’re going to go after him and we’re going to save him from himself and we’re going to be happy and smile again and that’s that.”

Logan glanced at Patton before sighing and giving a small smile. “I do suppose it would be difficult for me to do my job if Anxiety is running rampant the way he is.” He swung a heavy look towards Roman. “It would make it _all_ of our jobs difficult.”

“I never said I wouldn’t go with you.” He stood slowly, like his joints needed time to adjust to movement again. “He needs to be rescued and I am the prince.”

Patton grinned. Even though Roman’s tone and expression suggested otherwise, he knew they would all be saving Anxiety because they all wanted to. Ann needed them and even though they never really realized what Anxiety could do, he was always helpful. He made the three work together and find a compromise when they’d been in turmoil. He kept Thomas close to his friends and kept him focused.

“Onward, my friends. We have a damsel rescue.”


	7. Pitch

Patton didn’t want to admit it, but they were all stalling. They stood in front of Anxiety’s door listening to Logan brief them on what it would be like. Patton vaguely remembered what everyone had been like when they first formed, but the years had made them blurry. Luckily for him and Roman, Logan had a perfect memory.

“At our very core lies what we were born from. Anxiety was born from fear so as we proceed, we will likely face out fears.”

“I’m not afraid of anything.” Roman said proudly.

“Everyone is afraid of something,” Logan said in a matter-o-fact voice. “It’s a matter of instinct. And you, might I remind you, were frozen in shock after just looking at him.”

Roman crossed his arms in a pout.

“Now, now, this isn’t the time to be arguing with one another,” Patton said. “We have to go after Anxiety and bring him back. Besides, with all the monsters Roman fights, you should be very good at controlling your fear.”

“Right. Our rooms are nothing more than more than manifestations we make ourselves to be comfortable.

Roman cast his eyes to the ground as Patton turned to the door. They were about to walk into uncharted territory ready to face what was basically the minions before the final boss of a video game.

They could to this. They _had_ to do this.

“Hold on,” Logan shooed Patton away from the door. “You’re basically Thomas’s heart. You will be most susceptible to the fear so I will lead this charge.”

He had a point, of course, but Patton still wanted to lead. Not because he felt that he was best suited, merely because if anything were to happen to the others, the chances of succeeding would drop. He wasn’t especially smart like Logan, but even he could figure that out.

Logan turned the doorknob and every hair stood like it was trying to get away. There was no point in stalling any further. Whether the other two really wanted to save Anxiety was beside the point—everyone would suffer without him.

Logan shoved the door open and something grabbed him. It was like every fiber of his being was being ripped from where he stood and plunged into an unshakeable darkness.

And then everything was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> consistent posting schedule who? this one is short, but they'll get back to length with the next one!


	8. Alone

Pain was not something Patton was quite used to. Of course, there were times when Thomas lost his Morale and that always left him feeling weak. But this time…this time everything ached.

From his back on the ground, he could see he was, weirdly, in a forest. Tall trees shot up like fists into the evening sky and wispy clouds formed fading shapes. It was the most beautiful scene he could imagine sharing with everyone.

“Roman, do you see— Roman?” He sat up, looking to his left, then right. “Logan?” Patton climbed slowly to his feet. Where were the other two? As far as he knew they all should have been together. Maybe they’d just went to see where they were. That would be like Logan.

“Roman! Logan! I’m awake now!” Silence answered him. “Guys! I— Oh, there you are.” A few feet away, Roman and Logan had their heads together, talking quickly about something. When they saw Patton coming toward them, they stepped behind the tree. But as Patton rounded it, they were gone. “Guys?”

“So I have this idea for a video,” Joan’s voice floated over to him from his left. Talyn nodded fixing their hair. “A bit with the sides that has to do with—”

“Joan!” Patton waved, happy to see a friendly face. Joan glanced over at him, a strangely disdainful look on their face, before walking around the tree and disappearing.

“Do you remember what Thomas got you for Christmas last year?” Valerie smiled as she spoke to Terrance across the clearing.

“Well,” he said, “I don’t know if—” He cut himself off as he saw Patton and pulled Valerie with him has he vanished.

“Why?” He hands gripped his shirt to keep them from shaking. “Why is everyone avoiding me?” It didn’t make any sense. He’d never done anything to warrant their mistrust. Nothing to receive their disdainful glares. Conversations stopped when he came near.

“Maybe we should do a photoshoot again sometime.” Patton’s heart soared as it always did every time he heard Leo’s voice. There was something so wonderful about being around him. Maybe if Patton spoke to Leo he would know what was going on. If they spoke then he’d definitely feel better.

This time Patton didn’t call out to him. Didn’t try to make his presence known with his usual enthusiasm for fear of scaring him off.

“Leo!” Patton smiled, hoping for one in return. Leo smiled slowly like he was trying to remember how. “I need your help with something if you can.”

“Oh, well,” Leo glanced around like he was looking for an escape route. “I don’t think I can. You see, I have to go finish my conversation with Thomas.”

“Oh, I’m sorry for interrupting.” Patton looked around for another person. “Maybe there’s someone— Leo?” He was gone. Any trace that Leo the Giant may have stood there was vanished and it left Patton even more confused.

Another voice came to him and he was wary of approaching. Maybe there was a reason they avoiding. It was likely best to wait for Logan and Roman to find him again anyway

 _Chase them_. Anxiety’s voice echoed in his head, compelling them to move forward.

“But they’ll leave,” he argued. What was the point when he knew what would happen? Besides, he needed to wait for the others.

 _Chase them_.

One foot was placed unsteadily in front of the other until he took control again, walking toward Alex. He barely made it two feet away before Alex scrambled away.

Patton’s shoulders dropped. He knew that would happen. He knew it, but he was still disappointed. Another voice sounded and he winced.

 _Chase them_. His legs moved against his will again until he began to walk on his own.

They left. He sighed.

Another friend. Another vanished presence. Raphaela. Drew. Taylor. Rose. Kate. Rudra. Miles. None of them could even look him in eyes. None of them gave him the time to even ask for what he needed.

Everything in him begged to stop. There was no point because they would leave. They would always leave. They would always, always turn away so why? Why did he still try? What was the point?

Another voice came to him and he dropped to his knees. Tears welled and spilled with reckless abandon. “Please! Please make it stop! I can’t take this! I want it to end! End this! End this!  _End this!_ ”

Everything hurt. His eyes, his throat, his chest. His heart. Every breath rattled his lungs and burnt his throat, every beat of his heart sent a painful reminder that the next time would hurt even more.

 _Chase them_.

His joints creaked as he started to move his legs. “No. No, no, no.  _Please_ , no. I can’t do this. This is hopeless, don’t make me do this again.  _PLEASE!_ ”

 _You will chase them the way I always chase after people even when I feel hopeless. If you quit now, it will all be over. They’ll never learn to even tolerate you_.

His knees popped with his motions, slow and calculated.

 _Chase them_.

He took one step forward, then another.

Tears spilled as he made his way to Dayo.

 _It will never end_.


	9. Futile

Despite having stepped in front, Patton still collapsed after setting a single foot inside. Thankfully Roman’s dragonwitch fighting had kept his reflexes sharp and caught Patton before he could fall to the ground. Logan took a steadying breath. He _was_ the one who said everyone had fears.

“What is wrong with him?” Roman pressed his head against Patton’s chest. “His heart is beating too slow.”

“He’s not capable of dying, so he will be fine.” Logan adjusted his glasses in an attempt to keep his hands from shaking. “He was just overtaken by a vision. What he’s experiencing is in his head, so he’ll be incapacitated.”

“Okay, I can handle that.” Roman picked up Patton with surprising ease, princess style. “Where are we going now? It’s a labyrinth. I hate these. Never enough sunlight to show off my natural glow.”

Logan rolled his eyes. “Just follow my lead. Labyrinths are mere puzzles and all puzzles have a logical method of being solved.”

“Logan, I hate to inform you of things you already know, but if this is like the maze from mythology, logic isn’t going to help.”

“Luckily for us this is Anxiety we’re dealing with. Whether or not he knows, he does stem from some kind of logic.”

“I shall concede you that point.” Roman shifted Patton so his head rested better against his chest. “Lead the way, nerd.”

The path in front of them had two doors to choose from. Anxiety tended to favor his right side, so that was the first path he chose.

Each path he chose based on what he knew about Anxiety. Despite the fact that the two of them were hardly together, Logan knew quite a bit about him. He knew that while he did like to be alone a lot, he didn’t mind company. While he was quiet and reserved, he always had a lot on his mind. His eye makeup wasn’t entirely makeup either.

Each decision, each caverns they crossed, each tunnel they walked was based on everything Logan new to be true. They made each step with precision.

**_I know a lot about him_ ** **.**

“Maybe I should have a turn leading.”

“No. I can do this.”

The next tunnel led to another split, this time, with three different paths. Each had a different symbol on top: headphones, a bed, a knife.

**_I know a lot, so why?_ **

“Logan, you keep leading us nowhere and I can’t hold him forever.”

“I can do this, Roman. Stop bothering me.”

The headphone tunnel was a dead end. The bed led to a dark cave, a waterfall on the left side with a stream cutting down the middle.

**_Why can’t I get out of here?_ **

He was starting to get frustrated. Nothing about this stupid labyrinth made sense. Perhaps that was the point, but everything worked to some rhythm of logic. Everything had a pattern. All puzzles were made to be solved.

 _Not everything needs a reason_. Anxiety’s voice rang clear through his mind.

He started moving forward, not looking where he was going. “There is a reason for everything.”

 _You won’t find reason in this place_. Logan shook his head, adjusting his glasses. _Not everything can be solved by logic. It’s futile to believe so_.

“Everything can be determined by reasoning, Anxiety. I will not let emotions rule.”

 _Too late_.


	10. Humility

The moment Logan hit the ground the labyrinth disappeared. Since Roman was already carrying Patton, there wasn’t much he could do about that.

Roman set Patton down next to his fallen friend, checking for a pulse. Both were still extremely slow, but like Logan said, they would be fine in the literal sense.

If he was being honest, watching Logan try to keep himself under control had shaken Roman. Logan got flustered when he was constantly barraged with wrong information that he couldn’t correct, but he was also one of the most stable of the sides. If Anxiety managed to get Logan…

But that didn’t matter. Roman was different and infinitely more confident than any of the other sides—and definitely better than anything Hot Topic could think of.

It only took a moment for Roman to realize where he was—a dressing room of a stage production. Humph. If Anxiety thought he could best him in his home court, he was sadly mistaken.

“Roman,” Joan stuck their head in, seemingly not being able to see Logan and Patton on the ground. “It’s almost time, get on stage.”

He almost asked what play he’d be in, except it came to him before he could even open his mouth. Dear Evan Hansen and he would be Evan. He would act the hell out of the role, get out of this charade, and get Anxiety to let them all out of his little dungeon. Did Anxiety really think Roman would have stage fright?

When the lights shined on him on that huge stage, he did exactly what he said: he stole the spot light for best performance. Every song was belted with absolute pride and he could only imagine giving a better performance.

At the end he held hands with the rest of the cast, grinning from ear to ear. But when he straightened, he was back in the dressing room.

“Roman.” He whipped around to see Joan staring at a clipboard, waving him out. “It’s almost time, get on stage.”

Roman looked around, sure there must have been a mistake. What was happening? Still, the show must go on. If he needed to perform again, he would. It was what he lived for.

He gave his best performance, even surprising himself with how amazing he sounded. This time, however, the crowd’s applause was a little lackluster, and his costar didn’t take his hand in the bow.

He stood, and he ended up back in the changing room. Before Joan could even open the door, Roman was already out of his, heading to the stage. What would it take to break this ridiculous loop? Would he have to give the worst performance? It that what would work?

Obviously not, he thought as the crowd have a half-hearted applause his costars looked at him strangely.

More performances stacked up and he tried. He tried with everything in him to not let his performances fall. His throat hurt, his chest heaved. He wanted to quit and just stay, but he knew he couldn’t. The crowd was waiting for him.

So when Joan called his name, he walked out on stage, feeling more raw than he’d ever felt. Everything felt off and he knew that he wouldn’t be giving his best performance. His voice cracked and rasped when it wasn’t supposed to it. When he sang _Words Fail_ it sounded like he was imitating a frog. He cried his heart out during that song, letting out every ounce of exhaustion he felt.

It was tiring always giving his best and never wavering and being the ego. Egos were vulnerable all the time which is why he had to act like he was the best. Otherwise people would see him at his worst and he couldn’t have that. He was confidence embodied—he couldn’t let people see him as weak.

“All I see is sky for forever.”

The crowd roared with applause, shouting and cheering his name. His costars grinned at when, singing his praise… but why?

Why when he gave such a horrid performance?

Why when they were so much better than he was?

Why when all he wanted to do was crawl under a blanket and cry?

He bowed again and when he stood, the theatre was gone and in front of him, stood the monster that had taken his breath away.


	11. Shift

Everything hurt. He felt like he was suffocating, drowning. Treading water with no goal in mind, limbs heavy with exhaustion.

Nothing but pain pricked his senses and a bittersweet sense of relief that everyone would be happier now that he was gone.

\-----

Giving up wasn’t an option. Not when there were still so many people who hadn’t turned him away.

Crying wouldn’t help. Crying did nothing but waste energy—he needed all of his to chase after them. To conceal his movements until the last second. To stop himself from walking away.

One step. One breath. One word.

One at a time.

Just one.

Until they were all gone.

\-----

Nothing stayed the same, but nothing was changing.

There’s a reason for this, he thought. I just have to get a hold of myself. He needed to calm his frantic heart and slowly his labored breathing. He needed to get himself under control.

Control. Control. Control.

He could have laughed.

_What_ control?

\-----

Roman couldn’t process what he was seeing. He couldn’t tell if he was in a room—the space felt infinite while at the same time crushingly close. The only light was from the stuttering pulse of the thing in front of him. The thing he couldn’t comprehend.

Maybe it was the way waves of fear engulfed him when he gave his attention to it. Maybe it was that the purple-ish light made him sick to his stomach. Maybe it was the way he knew Anxiety was doing everything he could to keep Roman away.

Anxiety was wrapped up in what looked like a sphere wrapped in webs suspended in the air.

Another stuttering pulse lit the room and he could see Anxiety curled up at the center, something almost smoke-like swirling around him. Its shape was indistinct, yet completely distinctive in the waving is moved around Anxiety, wrapping him up.

It struck against the sphere, making Roman’s own pulse soar, flashbacks of his awful performance, the way Logan and Patton fell victim to their fears, his near fatal experiences fighting.

It retreated, forming a tighter grip around Anxiety. He didn’t like Anxiety. Not a single bit, but still… No one deserved to be taken captive.

Roman knew a lot about fears. His many battles had taught him to temper fear, to use it in creative and constructive ways. He could do this. He needed to do this. If he didn’t, nothing would go back to normal. He couldn’t create, adventure, he could live.

**_Deep breaths, Prince_** , he said so himself. **_You’ve done this before._**

He reached for his sword, trying to keep it stead in front of him. Shaky arms made his sword heavy.

Before he could lose his nerve, he rushed forward, stabbing the bubble releasing fear pure and potent enough to kill him.

Torture was something he could handle; luckily, he couldn’t be killed.

Yeah, luckily.


	12. Heal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DID MY BEST TO GET THIS OUT ON TIME BUT I WAS AT THE HOSPITAL SPENDING TIME WITH MY NIECE AND IT GOT DELAYED SO YEAH PLS ENJOY THIS

Indescribable.

That was the one word that could permeate the raw pain and hatred and fear tearing through Roman’s body.

He felt like he was being taken apart cell by cell, and being rearranged in almost the same way. Almost his royal self.

Almost.

It was rearranging a room: all of the furniture was still there, but everything looked and felt different. _He_ was different. He didn’t want to be. He didn’t need to be. Everything was too much. He couldn’t feel. He couldn’t see. He couldn’t think past the pain, the fear.

Roman reached out, trying desperately to grasp onto something—anything—to make him feel anchored again.

His hand grabbed something soft and he clung to it with all of his strength. It was something in the fog that didn’t make him want to scream. He wanted to cry from the momentary comfort he felt.

Roman pulled it closer, surprised to find it was attached to a person. Never in his royal life had he felt the need to hold on to someone who wasn’t himself this strongly before. He pulled them close, trying to steady his breathing.

Oddly enough, it was easier to push the swirling feeling side now that he had someone to hold onto. Maybe it was the physical contact. He’d give anything to keep it that way.

 _Let go_.

It took only a moment to realize who he was holding onto. Roman held on tighter. He and the others had been through hell to get to him. He couldn’t be letting go so easily.

 _Let. Go_.

His heart shot against his chest so hard it stung, but he fought everything that told him to let go. If he didn’t do this quickly, they would be corrupted. None of them would be any better that what Anxiety was now: a strung out mess trying desperately to function correctly and only making it worse.

Two hands planted firmly on his chest, shoving out of the swirl of fear, sending him stumbling right into groggy Patton and Logan.

“You’re awake!” Roman wanted to hug them, but knew they didn’t have time. “Are you with me?”

“What is happening?” Logan looked confused and scared, but his gaze was steadily fixed on Anxiety.

“I would also like to know,” Patton said, rubbing his head.

“Anxiety is in that gas-liquid stuff and we need to get him out.” He helped the others to their feet after he managed to get his footing again. “Maybe if we startle him it’ll go away. I think that was why the two of you were able to wake up.”

Patton looked at Anxiety, pain etched across his face. The two of them had always been there for each other more than anyone else, Roman knew.

They spread out, looking for different ways to approach. The gas-liquid didn’t seem to care about them unless they tried to get close. Everyone would have to be on their toes.

They rushed forward, dodging the tendrils that snaked out to get them. Logan started shouting at him, Patton joining in: “You’re not just a negate experience. You're what made Thomas double and triple-check things he needed to study before taking tests and—”

“Also, you know that feeling of tinglyness after achieving something he didn't think was possible!”

Logan looked startled to be interrupted and also got hit with the gas-liquid. Patton wasn’t so lucky. He was hit squarely in the chest, going down and staying down. But there was something about that hit that didn’t seem nearly as dangerous as before. Maybe their words were getting through to him.

Logan continued to shout, each of his movements methodical. “Some people have anxiety that's heightened to the point where it becomes an incredibly difficult and hindering condition. You aren’t like that. Whether it's a symptom of a different issue, or an anxiety disorder, or the unfortunate result of something someone may be going through.”

One misstep was his downfall. Logan fell to the ground, glasses flying away from him.

All his experience was put to the test. He rushed forward dodging and weaving around the gas-liquid. He reached out his hand, grasping once again. This time, however, he knew what he wanted.

Roman fought against the push of the gas-liquid.

 ** _One step at a time._** “Anxiety, you’re…what pushes Thomas to rehearse and rehearse before performances.”

  ** _Another step._** “You are that nervousness that he feels right before going on stage, but just as he does so…”

 ** _Just another._** “…you ease up, and…

His fingertips brushed against something soft. “…you let his excitement and passion for performance take over.”

He clutched tight, stepping ever closer. “I think that's as good a sign as any that…”

Both hand were clenched on the shoulders of Anxiety’s jacket. “…you’re willing to work as a team.”

Roman looked into Anxiety’s eyes, blinking rapidly to keep his tears away. “And that you make us…”

Roman pulled anxiety into tight hug. “…better.”

There was a moment where everything went silent and one, hiccupping sob could be heard, before everything went dark.

\-----

Roman woke up on his back, gasping for air, and feeling much more like himself. There was no urgent need to be close to anyone nor any overwhelming desires to cry.

He opened his eyes. The soft light of the lamp was shining against the wall.

“Anxiety!” Patton’s shrill call was followed by a soft _oof_ , as two bodies fell to the ground. “Anxiety I was so worried about you.”

“I, too, was concerned.” Logan said, watching Patton and Anxiety try to untangle themselves from a safe distance. “Next time, it would do us all good if you would talk to us about these things.”

Anxiety looked uncomfortable with all of the attention, but refused to bring his gaze toward Roman.

His heart clenched, knowing that everything was his fault. “Hey, Anxiety.” Anx tentatively looked over. “If you ever need to be rescued again, I’m here.”

The smile on his face was something akin to the sun rising after a dark storm. Roman knew that they would still have their fair share of banter—their relationship was built on that—but he knew that they would have an understanding between the two: neither of them were what they seemed.

Roman wasn’t always brave and Anxiety wasn’t always the bad guy.

At that was a good thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. Yes, that’s dialogue snatched right from Accepting Anxiety Prt. 2 bc I’m an uncreative mess. All credit for that to Thomas Sanders


End file.
